2013 One Little Word + Changes

Happy New Year! Even though a new year starts with the very next day after the last, it's still the start of a new year as we know it. It's the beginning of freah and new. I like it.

I think it's been a couple of years since I participated in choosing a word for myself for the year. If I remember correctly, my last word was "be". This past year (2012) and frankly more in November and December, the Lord has really been working with me on believing Him. It can sound so simple, but it can also be harder than expected.

I felt this was a year to have a word and something to really focus on. Belief or believing was an option (as a word but it will always be something I am growing in). Another goal I have for myself is to get more organized and have a better schedule. So words associated with organizing and schedules came to mind. But I wasn't really set on any of those words.

Then I saw other's ideas of being brave or courageous. As much as I liked those, those weren't quite it either. The more I thought about it and things I've gone through, fear came to mind. I've realized that I've dealt with fear since a kid (more on that later). Obviously I didn't want fear to be my word so the word "fearless" seemed perfect. And then I knew it. That would be my word and my focus for 2013. Fearless. It encompasses a lot of the other words I considered. You need belief to be fearless. You need courage and bravery to be fearless.

For me, the fears I have had since a kid had to do with my health, my family's health, me dying, my family dying. Stupid lies from Satan. Within the last six months or so, I had issues with anxiety. I felt anxious, I felt fear rise within my chest to where it felt heavy and sometimes painful. I had some scary moments. But I see they were all brought on by fear. Fear is crippling. Fear is sin because whatsoever is not faith is sin (Rom. 14:23b). Sometimes the anxiety came out of no where for no apparent reason. It's not fun at all. The Lord has been so faithful to me through it all. He's reminded me of things that have brought so much encouragement. We are more than conquerors through Him who loves us!

Fear also has to do with doing things that might scare me. Some things I won't do for the sake of being fearless. You have to use wisdom.

Emptying a mouse from a trap. Scary. Yes, the mouse is dead, but it freaks me out. I've since bought  plastic disposable gloves for that fearless moment. I'll keep you posted.

This weekend I'm being fearless. Since I was young, I always wore shorts or boy shorts when I went swimming. Some for modesty, some because of being self-conscious. A little secret of mine...I have cellulite. I've had it since a young teen. I don't like it. I'd like to find good toning exercises to help. Until then, it's there.

I've admired people who wear all kinds of suits (although not condoning immodesty) in all kinds of shapes, sizes, weights, and those with more cellulite than me. I think it's great that they are so confident in themselves that they just don't care what people think (I've always cared what people think). I wanted their confidence but never did anything to work towards that confidence.

Until now...

Lime Ricki, a company I like to get modest swim suits from, had a big sale. I found a tankini top and then came the bottom choice. Boy short, skirt, regular bottoms. I knew I didn't want boy shorts for at least one reason. The skirt type I wanted was out of my size. What was left was a little different version which was a mix of a skirt and regular bottoms. So I went with it. I ordered it - a little reluctantly. I want to be modest yet I want to be confident in who I am - regardless of cellulite. So I've tried the suit on numerous times and asked Brandon over and over what he thinks.

This weekend we will be at a hotel with Brandon's mom's side of the family and I'll get to be fearless. I will be swimmig with my kids in my new suit. I'll have to be confident. Or at least appear that way until the real feelings set in. It's a big deal for me since I've always wondered what people think of me. Here's to being fearless!

I've also talked about how I want to start blogging about my journey to getting more organized and scheduled. I'll do that once my main computer is up and running. As of right now, this is coming from my phone. Also, I'm contemplating starting a new blog for all this or just updating through this blog. Decisions, decisions.

My hope through it all is it give glory to God and inspire others on to greater things.